Do you remember the butterflies, the flirting texts, and the covert looks you used to give each other from across the room? A few years later, it’s easy for your relationship to go on autopilot, with grocery lists and carpool plans taking the place of late-night talks and kisses. Couples counselors hear this all the time. Here are some of the things they commonly say to assist you get that old spark back. Read here!
Stop thinking that one huge romantic gesture will heal everything. You might not realize how important the little things you do every day are. A short hug before you go to work, a note under a coffee mug, or watching a funny show together after the kids go to bed are all good ways to reconnect. When your partner does anything nice or helpful, be sure to say thank you. Real appreciation goes a long way toward making both individuals feel important.
Another easy yet effective method to reconnect is to do new things together. Routine might make you feel good, but it can also make you tired. Take a dance lesson, try out an escape room with friends, or make a dinner you’ve never made before to shake things up. Sharing new experiences makes new memories and brings back the joy you felt at first.
Even if it seems impossible, make time on purpose. You don’t have to be apart for hours to feel close again. It can help to have 15 minutes a day without kids, phones, or chores. around the morning, have coffee on the porch, play a brief card game before bed, or go for a walk around the neighborhood. The goal isn’t to be over the top; it’s to be steady.
Don’t be afraid of nostalgia. You can remember why you fell in love in the first place by looking at old pictures, thinking about your first date, or laughing at the most embarrassing things that happened to you. Counselors typically find that couples who remember their shared past can more easily find things they agree on again.
Even when you’re not in bed, physical intimacy is important. While you run errands, hold hands. When you watch TV, sit close to each other. A brief neck rub or a friendly nudge can do a lot to get rid of any stress that has built up over time.
Even if it feels weird, talk about what makes you happy. Talking openly about your ambitions for the future, your fantasies that you’ve never discussed, or even just your plans for the weekend can help you create trust and closeness. If you’re worried about bringing something up, remember that being honest is usually the first step to getting closer, not something to avoid.
And don’t forget to have fun. Laugh at your oddities, dance to your favorite tunes in the kitchen, or tell each other jokes that only you two know. Couples that don’t take themselves too seriously and find ways to have fun together generally come through hard times with their relationship still strong.
You don’t have to plan a big trip or change your whole life to feel closer. To get the spark back, you need to pay attention on purpose, be honest about how you feel, and be willing to start over as many times as it takes. You may make a connection that seems alive, warm, and worth celebrating by doing tiny things for each other.